I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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