So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
