just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
