i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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