The maid of honor just puked.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my sisters under your porch take her home
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
nutella sex= disaster
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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