Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
