Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The power of my boobs compel you
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
