Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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