So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Small penises have feelings too.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
