I think i peed on brittanys purse
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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