the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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