I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
3 2 1 whiskey
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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