totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
