she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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