I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
