Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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