what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
