he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
