It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
