I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize