Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
