He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
