Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
