it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
