I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
