dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
