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At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Alive.
So much puke
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
