I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
