Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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