I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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