It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
