I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
