im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize