She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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