When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize