I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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