I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
