I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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