Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
