i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
