he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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