apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
