ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
