I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
