Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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