Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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