he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
