i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
