some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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