I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
