There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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