just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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