meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
