drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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