I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize