I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
