i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
