i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So vagazzling was a success
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
