If that was your dad, he is hot
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
