If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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