Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
