I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
