I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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