Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
