bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
