I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
