Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
