Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
