Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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